i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
