Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
