did you get engaged???
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
