1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
