I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize