so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
