so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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