Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
