Non-Jews are for practice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
