He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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