Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
