its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
