when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
