I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
