Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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