So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
