Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize