Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
