my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize