the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
