There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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