I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
