Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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