Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
