You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
