Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
