he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
you never un-have a 4some
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
