I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
