We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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