I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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