Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
