billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
