He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
