We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
