Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
