Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
