I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
