You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
