i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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