You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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