i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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