One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Im part way to drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
