I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
