Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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