Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
