Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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