He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This baby is an asshole
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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