you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
