one two three fourrrrnication!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
