I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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