WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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