Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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