She's JV to your varsity
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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