Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
