I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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