i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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