too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
