So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
