I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
