i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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