Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
