if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize