I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
