Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize