Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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