My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
