Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
