I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
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You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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