New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
