she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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