But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
