I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The best revenge is premature balding
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
