Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize