Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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