and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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