im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
