sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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